Dancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan

Chapter 15

THE INNER FEMININE

Just as we have a Programmed Inner Masculine, we have also a Programmed Inner Feminine who is probably not be in alignment with our true soul purpose. As daughters, our mothers often saw us as extensions of themselves and taught us accordingly. Women, whether they are survivors or not, have internalized many of their mother's strengths, worries, fears, and dreams. We think they are ours, but often they are not; sometimes we are simply helping our mother shoulder her burdens by taking them upon ourselves. An important book that discusses how this dynamic occurs in mother/daughter relationships is My Mother Myself by Nancy Friday (Delacorte Press, 1977).

In addition, many women in Western culture are what Jungian analysts call "animus possessed." That is, they live their lives according to the archetypal masculine principles of order, efficiency and perfection, as opposed to allowing themselves and their lives simply "to be" as they are. These are the women who seek power rather than love--their intellectualized ambition keeping them ever-striving, with no energy left to be alive. Such a mother cannot teach her daughter about how to be a woman, since she herself is more archtypally man than woman (or more robot than human).

Marian Woodman, Ph.D., has written extensively about the ramifications such a mother can have on her daughters. If you suspect your mother is a "father's daughter," I encourage you to seek out her work; they are all excellent: The Owl was a Bakers Daughter: Obesity, Anorexia Nervosa and the Repressed Feminine (Inner City Books, 1980), Addiction to Perfection: The Still Unravished Bride (Inner City Books, 1982), The Pregnant Virgin: A Process of Psychological Transformation (Inner City Books, 1985), and The Ravaged Bridegroom: Masculinity in Women (Inner City Books, 1990).

The meditation below is to help you separate yourself from your mother's energies. It is long, but worth the effort. You may be surprised to see how many of the problems you struggle with were (and are) your mother's problems too. Don't be seduced into believing that simply because your lifestyle is different from your mother's that your life is too!

Mother Meditation

Get comfortable.
Close your eyes.
Take three deep breaths.
Go to your favorite environment of perfect beauty and peace. Call in your Highest Self.
Imagine the two of you walking a ways together, beyond your usual line of sight in your imaginary environment. You now see mist arising from the ground, surrounding you. Continue walking into the mist.
As you keep walking the mist suddenly clears. You see a beautiful Grecian-looking temple, built with stately white marble.
As you enter the temple you see an altar at one end with a perpetually burning flame in the center of it.
Walk into the open space in the middle of the temple and sit with your Highest Self.
Ask your mother to enter. Imagine her coming in and sitting across from you.
Ask her if she would be willing to help you do this work. If so, great. If, however, you get a sense that she is not, imagine her leaving the temple.
In this case you and your Highest Self will have to do the work together without her.
Now, imagine the three (or two) of you discussing the following issues:

In regards to her own self-image, what qualities did your mother like about herself?
Was there anything about how she looked, or how she thought other people saw her, that she was unhappy with?
Do you recognize any of the negative self-image issues your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each self-image problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if these problems are truly lessons for you or if they are something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that quality now.
If she says yes, imagine that quality coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to money, what attitudes toward money and material comfort did your mother have that helped her? What attitudes did she have that got in her way; that caused her to struggle?
Do you recognize any of the money issues your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each money issue you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this negative quality is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that quality now.
If she says yes, imagine that quality coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to communication and thinking, what abilities did your mother have that strengthened her? Were there problems in her ability to communicate or think clearly?
Do you recognize any of the communication problems your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each communication problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that quality now.
If she says yes, imagine that quality coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to nurturing issues: keeping a home, caring and feeding self and others, etc., in what ways did your mother fulfill this role? In what ways did she fail to provide basic love, feeding and caring to herself, you and/or your family?
Do you recognize any of the nurturing problems your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each nurturing problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to her creativity, in what ways was your mother able to express herself? Did she create children, art, songs, writing, a beautiful home? In what ways was your mother frustrated with her ability to create?
Do you recognize any of the frustrations your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each creativity block you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this block is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that any blocks are not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to work, what were your mother's positive attitudes towards working, whether in the home or workplace? What did she struggle with in regards to work?
Do you recognize any of the work attitude and problems your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each work attitude you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if these negative work attitudes are truly a lesson for you or if they are something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that attitude now.
If she says yes, imagine that attitude coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to her relationships and partnerships, what attitudes toward people did your mother have that strengthened her? In what ways did she create problems for herself when relating to others?
Do you recognize any of the relationship issues your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each relationship issue you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to sex, in what ways did your mother show a healthy and balanced attitude toward sexual issues? In what ways was she in denial of the body; afraid, angry, perverse or otherwise struggling with the issue of sex?
Do you recognize any of the sexual problems your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find a problem that is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to learning, studying, and teaching others, what abilities did your mother have that helped her? Were there ways your mother struggled with these issues?
Do you recognize any of the struggles your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each struggle with learning and studying you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem truly is a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to worldly affairs: attitudes towards authority, paying bills, behaving as a role model, etc., what were the positive qualities your mother showed in this regard? In what ways did her attitudes and/or behaviors cause her trouble with the "powers that be"?
Do you recognize any of the problems your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to wishes, dreams, and friendship, in what ways was your mother able to make friends, aspire to greater things, and hold on to the magic in life? Were there negative attitudes in her way, keeping her in a space of loneliness, desperation, and hopelessness?
Do you recognize any of the negative attitudes your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each attitude problem you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this problem is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that problem now.
If she says yes, imagine that problem coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

In regards to spirituality, what qualities did your mother have that helped her; strengthening qualities? What qualities did she have that got in her way, qualities she struggled with?
Do you recognize any of the spiritual qualities your mother discusses as things you also struggle with?
Explore each negative quality you share with your mother one by one. Ask your Highest Self if this quality is truly a lesson for you or if it is something you are carrying for your mother.
If you find that something is not really yours, ask your mother if it would be okay if you stop carrying that quality now.
If she says yes, imagine that quality coming out of you and flowing toward the fire to be burned away forever.
If not, discuss and compromise. Seek your Highest Self's help in attempting to come from your own soul path on this issue as much as possible.
Make a few notes in your notebook about what you discover here before continuing.

When you have burned away all of the negative qualities that don't belong to you, imagine your new/improved self walking to the front of the temple stand in front of the altar.
As you stand in front of the altar, a red beam suddenly flashes from the eternal flame, engulfing you and the temple in red light. Then comes an orange burst, next a yellow burst, then green, sky blue, indigo, and finally violet. Let yourself be immersed in these colors of the rainbow, one by one.
Now all of you walk behind the altar outside of the temple. You see a beautiful pool. Imagine yourself jumping in while the others watch. Let yourself play and splash and`have fun.
When you feel refreshed, come out, and ask your Highest Self if you have a new name now that now corresponds with your new energy. If so, what is it?
Thank your Highest Self. Thank your mother, if she participated. If you have any parting words for her, say them then bid her goodby for now.
Walk out of the temple with your Highest Self, through the mist, and back to your favorite beautiful environment. Give yourself a moment to enjoy this environment with your new and improved self.
Come back into the room, back into your body; when you feel ready, open your eyes.
Review the notes you made after each section of the meditation; add anything else of relevance that may occur to you that you didn't write down before.
Share anything interesting with the group.

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Last Updated: 1 feb 99
Laura Bryannan
LauraBryannan@hotmail.com