This story takes place after all my others, especially Musings. Please read that story first if you’re a new reader. Thanks!
The unfinished business between us was starting to get on my nerves. It was my turn to oil him up, so I figured that would be a good time to deal with it. Captive audience and all. He was stretched out on the mat, naked and kinda glowing in the dim light. I was gonna try and give him a good rubdown this time, since I usually rip him off. I get so horny massaging him I usually end up cutting it short and moving to the good stuff way sooner than he does for me. But life ain’t fair and I guess that’s what this is all about. I get all the goodies he’s got and he’s stuck with me.
I strip and get to work. I don’t want to start talking to him until I’ve given him a decent once-over first. The more relaxed he is the more words come out of his mouth, so I want him really relaxed before I start to pick his brains about this. When I’ve finally touched him everywhere at least once and he’s Jin-quiet, I begin:
“So…how’d you end up with a virgin ass living as long as you did at the dojo?” He doesn’t answer. Big surprise. “Hey,” I insist. “If you want me to fuck you sometime, you gotta talk to me about it first.”
He growls and stirs. “Mugen, must we talk? I don’t want to think right now.”
“Talk!” I demand, as I run my thumbs up his spine. “I can’t see us having this conversation face to face, can you? Answer my question, dammit.”
“Ask it again.”
“How’d you end up with a virgin ass, Jin?”
He sighed. There was a long pause. “My master didn’t ask that of me, and there was no one else who could,” he finally said.
“You mean he asked nothing of you?” I thought that was weird.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Oh.” Now I felt bad. Poor Jin. He still keeps his mouth to himself most of the time, even now. I wonder if he showed up at the dojo with that hang-up or if that’s how he got that way.
“Did you like the guy?” I hope.
“I had the greatest respect for him.”
“But you didn’t want him? You didn’t desire him?” He just sighed again. It pissed me off to think about it. Things might have been fucked up for me sometimes growing up, but at least I didn’t have to give myself to anyone I didn’t want to. OK, I got raped once and forced into some stuff then, but what happened to him was different. I didn’t know much about all that bushido shit, but I had heard that everybody was somebody’s uke. He got stuck in a system that turned him into a whore. That totally sucked!
“How old were you when he first came after you?” He didn’t answer. Maybe I didn’t want to know, and shook my head in disgust. Enough of that shit for now, I had to tell myself. It was making me too angry to go on, and I didn’t want to be feeling angry. I needed to do something to clear my head so I started sliding my whole body up his back. I liked feeling my belly on his ass and rubbing my cock in his crack. I started humping his tailbone and then I got an idea.
“Hey! I want you to shave me down here sometime,” I announced.
“What?!?” He laughed. I was glad I got him to.
“You heard me. I bet it would feel really hot to have all the hair gone around my cock. It would be all slippery and slidey and sensitive. Would you do it if I asked you?”
“Mugen, you are completely insane.” He was still chuckling. “But I’ll do it if you want.” It was really tempting to go get his razor now, sounding lots more fun than what I had in mind, but I decided not to distract myself. I’d been putting this conversation off for too long and wanted to get it over with. I started working his thighs.
“Let’s talk about why I called you an idiot the other night, OK?” I could feel his body tense, but he didn’t answer. Like Fuu says, talking to Jin is like talking to a rock sometimes. “OK?” I asked again.
“So here I am, trying to figure out what the hell you’re thinking when you ask me to fuck you. You can see what I’m packing here, and I’ve got a good pinky width on you in size. I know you’ve never had nothing but fingers in there, and I wonder to myself just what kind of experience you think you’re gonna have if I go ahead and do what you want. You’ve got to know it’s gonna hurt like a motherfucking bitch if I do it, and yet you still ask. So what’s up with that, Jin?”
“Pain isn’t an issue,” he said.
I felt myself getting angry again, flaring up like a fire in my guts. I grabbed hold of his hipbone, flipped him over and got right in his face. “It damn well is the issue, you asshole!” I yelled. “Is that what you want? Is that what this is all about? You want me to hurt you, Jin? Is that what you want me to do to you? You got some fucked-up need for pain I’m just now learning about? Are you some kind of secret uke who’s been waiting till now to spring it on me?”
I'd been so afraid to ask him these questions, but as I ranted I could see a look of horror start to creep onto his face. I obviously got it wrong, thank god. The relief I felt washed all the anger away. I collapsed and lay my head on his chest, trying to stop shaking. His put his arms around me and I could feel him take a deep breath.
“Your response makes sense to me now,” he said softly. “I wasn’t thinking things through. I see what happens to you when I fuck you and…well…I naturally want some of that too.”
“You ever spend five seconds wondering why it’s so good for me, Jin?” I asked. “You ever wonder why my ass is busted open and I’ve got no gag reflex?” I felt him tense again, but he didn’t say anything, so I just went on. “I got trained to it, OK? I can’t remember when someone wasn’t sticking something down my throat or up my ass. Something like that happens to you and first you endure it, but if it happens enough times eventually you get to liking it, I guess. You get to wanting it.”
His arms tightened around me. “Ah, Mugen,” he murmured. “I’m sorry. I really am an idiot.” He grabbed a hunk of my hair and pulled me up into a kiss. He initiates kissing so rarely it knocks me on my ass every time he does, and he’s got hold of my hair in a way that melts me into a uke puddle. I was so relieved my fears were off base, it felt like a huge weight was off my chest. When we came up for air I was feeling really good.
“You know.” I decided to be honest. “I never liked anyone I ever fucked. I didn’t fuck that many guys, but the ones I did, I did it to hurt them.”
“That makes two of us,” he admitted. “Most of my lovers preferred sucking over fucking, but if the most effective way to assert my authority over a difficult student was to fuck him, I did it. I have come to realize, in retrospect, that I abused my authority at times.”
I just nodded. I’d never heard him say so much at one time and I didn’t want him to stop.
“But I wasn’t alive in those days.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Yuki said…um…that was his name…the one I killed. Yukimaru.”
He went off into his head for a little while and I waited til he came back.
“Yes. Well, Yuki once said, ‘Sometimes you look at me and your eyes become cold and flat like a fish. And when you look at me with those eyes I know you’re going to ask something very hard of me and all you will do is observe. I’ll get nothing back from you but your cold flat eyes.’
I found myself shuddering. I knew the look! I’d seen it before. I felt deliciously freaked out. Delicious only cuz it was over. At the time, oh man…. “I’ve seen it,” I whispered.
He opened his eyes and looked at me apprehensively.
“It was the first time you fucked me,” I continued. “You were sitting next to me and you had some fingers inside and I was feeling really good and then all of a sudden my blood ran cold. I felt this intense foreboding, so I listened but I couldn’t hear anything wrong in the room or outside, and I couldn’t tell what was up. So I opened my eyes and saw your face. You were looking at me with those kinda eyes he was talking about, and I got really freaked. Holy shit! I totally forgot about that until you said what he said! But I know at some point I stopped feeling scared, and I remember it being a really hot time, that first time.”
He had a funny look on his face, almost like his eyes were gonna go flat again. “I had forgotten as well, but I do remember,” he said quietly. “Your instincts are amazing, Mugen. Would you like to know what I was thinking at the time?”
I did. I told him so.
“I remember watching you respond to what I was doing and wondering what would happen if I put my fist inside you. I was trying to decide whether I should do it or not—what the ramifications would be if I did. Obviously, I decided not to. Are you disappointed?”
“No way!” I wasn’t lying. I was really glad he didn’t do it, but the idea of him doing it was blowing my little mind. It made me so fucking hot I moaned and curled up into a ball with my back to him and lost control of my fantasies for a while. I hugged my knees and let the images flash through my head.
He spooned up to my back and put his arm around me. “Are you all right?” he asked.
I tried to pull my shit together so I could talk. “Thanks for the jack off material,” I finally managed to say. “Look, thinking about you doing that makes me melt. Fuckin’ A it makes me hot! But I ain’t a size queen, man. I’m not into pain like that. I can totally get off on the idea, but I wouldn’t want it to happen in real life. Why do you think I was such a goner that first time we were together? You’ve got the perfect kinda cock for fucking. I knew the second I saw it where I wanted it to go. If I was hung like you I’d fuck you in a second. Too bad for you you’re stuck with a lover hung like me instead of like yourself. There ain’t nuthin’ gonna change that situation. Life sucks sometimes, huh?”
“Would you rather I was hung like you?” he asked as he started to stroke me.
“No sir. Look…I could take it…but it wouldn’t…be anywhere…near as fun.”
He stopped for a moment to let me finish.
“It would be something to endure. I want to be done enduring stuff.”
“Mmmm,” he sighed into my hair. “I agree. No more enduring.” He returned to stroking me and I was too far gone to stop him. I couldn’t keep images of him fisting me out of my head and I was totally mushing out. “You want me to fuck you?” he whispered in my ear.
“No, I wanna suck you off after. Just make me cum now, K?” I’d been feeling horny too long and couldn’t think straight anymore. You never know with Jin whether he’s gonna let you cum fast or make you wait, but hot damn he let me cum fast then. I lay there for a while after, enjoying the feel of him wrapped around me, but I didn’t want to get too snoozy cuz I had plans.
I finally sat up and turned to kiss him a while, then I started to work my way down his body. We both have really sensitive nips and we both hate that fact about ourselves. I don’t know about him, but it’s just too embarrassing to find my body responding to that kind of attention. Makes me feel like a girl, and I don’t like it. I attack him there, of course, cuz I love what he does when I do. He jerks, he moans, his breath catches—it’s really hot. It’s never long before he starts trying to push me away, though, and today is no different.
“Mugennnnn,” he growled. “For god’s sake…stop it!” I bit one just to hear him gasp then let him push my head lower. I go down on him a bit to get him all warmed up and then I stopped and reached for the oil. He opened his eyes in time to see me do it, looked at me warily but didn’t say anything. I held my hand up, my fingers dripping oil on his belly.
“You invited me inside you the other day. That invitation still stand?” I could feel him shudder but he said yes, and closed his eyes. I touched him on the outside, gently teasing until I could tell he was relaxed again, then slid my middle finger in. He was tight all right. It was a good thing I came already cuz it was making my head swim to touch him that way. I started slowly fucking him with my finger to loosen him up, and he was going “unh unh unh” in time to my thrusts. Oh man, I was really loving it! So fucking hot!
“You ready for another?” I asked, not really expecting him to answer and he didn’t. He just kept responding to what I’m doing, which made me smile as I worked another finger inside. That time he winced, but I knew it couldn’t be too bad, so I didn’t worry. And then I could really get to that place that feels so good when someone touches it—like someone working your cock from the inside.
Meat Puppet. I heard it called that once. Kinda crude but you gotta admit that’s what it’s like. You’ve got your fingers inside someone and you move them one way and the body jerks, you move them another the body moans. Their body is dancing to your tune and it makes you feel so fucking powerful! I just played in there, watching his responses to the different things I tried, totally getting off on how I was finally able to do that to him. He was panting and writhing and looking really really hot.
After a while I felt him rouse himself from wherever he was. “Mugen,” he gasped. “Please don’t…ahh…stare at me…ungh…when you’re doing thAAAAt!”
“You mean this?” I did it again.
He gasped, groaned, then started to growl. “Muuuugennnnn, do something. I can’t stand it.”
“Hmmm. How about if I slow down some?” I stopped attacking him in there so intensely and stroked more gentle.
“Noooooo,” he moaned. “Please don’t slow down. Finish it!”
“But I don’t want to finish it yet. I’m having too much fun.” He groaned. I got an idea. I only offered it cuz I knew he wouldn’t do it, but if he did I wouldn’t complain.
“You finish it. Jack off for me,” I proposed.
His hand actually came up. It got within a few inches of his cock, then stopped and went no further. He growled again, then his arms came up and he hid his face behind them. “You shit,” he said in a muffled voice. “You know I won’t do that.”
It was so fucking funny he was doing what he always bugs me about, I laughed out loud. “Feeling overwhelmed, are we?” I said in the same snooty way he always says it to me. He just growled at me some more. Enough of that shit, I said to myself, and started working him inside again so he was arching his back and moaning instead of growling.
“Mercy…Mugen,” he managed to spit out, and I finally decided to take pity on him. I took him in my mouth and administered the sovereign remedy. His moans were happy ones then, and that felt good to me too. The song he sang when he finally came was really sweet, and he felt mine in a way he never felt before. I liked it, I liked it. I felt his fingers in my hair and he grabbed me in that way again.
“Come here, you,” he demanded, and I flopped full length on top of him, really happy he was kissing me again. It was good. After, I lay my head on his shoulder.
“I wanted to do that the first time we were together. How come you didn’t let me?” I asked.
“I don’t put out the first time.” He made a joke! I couldn’t fucking believe it. I sat up to look at him and he was doing his I’m-not-smiling smile. That time I started the kiss, then I sat back and decided to tackle that last sticky issue.
“So, my virgin lover, that was really hot, and now that you’ve let me in there, don’t think you can kick me out again. But we’re still no closer to me fucking you, sorry to say. I can stretch you on the outside with my fingers, but I can’t get to the second set of muscles that way, so I’m at a loss…”
“Second set?” he asked.
“Well, yeah. Haven’t you noticed that there’s two sets of muscles in there? The ones on the outside are usually easy to stretch with a little work. But the second set, a little ways inside, they’re harder to get at. My knuckles get in the way, and I can’t get my fingers inside enough to stretch ‘em out. Those are the muscles that really fuck you up if they get bruised or stretched too fast, believe you me. The pain doesn’t stop when the cock is gone. It hurts for hours and hours after.”
My body trembled involuntarily remembering some very unhappy experiences. He noticed and pulled me back down to his chest. “Why do you want me to fuck you, Jin?” I whispered.
He didn’t answer right away. “I’m not sure. Maybe to keep things balanced between us. Maybe just to see if I can do it. You spoke earlier about things being hot to think about, but not necessarily to actually do. Maybe this should fall into that category, but I do find it hot to think about and so….” He sighed.
I felt flattered. I liked knowing he thought about me—that it made him hot to think about me doing something like that to him. Jin is the most wierdass seme I’ve ever been with. He’s always giving me stuff, instead of always taking. I figure if he wants to give me his ass, I’m sure as hell gonna try and find a way to take it. I will most definitely find a way….
to be continued