Musings, IV

by Laura Bryannan

This chapter begins at the end of episode 17.


The fates had thrown us back together again. I was glad of that. Very glad. However I was feeling overwhelmed and somewhat ill. We made small talk, but the tension between the three of us was unbearable. They both walked away from me the last time. I walked away this time, not knowing I was holding my breath until Mugen stepped in beside me. And when he called to Fuu and I heard her running to catch up, a certain blackness in my heart lifted and I didn’t feel quite so ill anymore. Maybe, just maybe, we would figure this out. They came up next to me, and I could see that he was holding her hand and she was a sweet shade of pink. He and I looked at each other. He shoved his shoulder into mine and I shoved back, and more tension eased away. Maybe we really could figure this out.


Mugen left to do some fishing while Fuu and I rested. I was leaning against a tree, feeling more tired than I wanted to admit. Fuu was looking agitated, so I called her over.

Come here, you. We should talk.” She came and sat in her usual spot on my right side, but didn’t curl up and rest her head on my thigh the way she usually did. I gathered her to me, and began:

You know about Mugen and me.”

Yes,” she said in a small voice.

I understand why you were so upset. Do you understand why we excluded you?”

You guys prefer each other to me,” she sniffed.

No, that’s not it at all. We both find you attractive. Spending so much time with a fresh young girl like you does things to a man, be sure of that. We both felt honor bound not to approach you, Fuu. We are here to protect you. It would be wrong to take advantage of you that way. Do you understand?”

I guess so.” She sounded doubtful.

Mugen and I haven’t spoken about this, but I believe we should try to find a way for us to be together—that it’s wrong to keep you on the outside because of social protocol. It’s probably going to be awkward at times, but I would like to try. I am willing to share him with you. Do you think you can share him with me?”

You mean, you think Mugen likes me? You really think he wants to be with me?” she asked breathlessly.

I know he likes you. He cares a lot about you. Why do you think he taunts you so? Fuu, what do you think? Can you share him or not? It’s important to me to know how you feel about this.”

Yes Jin,” she said. “I can’t imagine going on without you. I can tell you’ve been civilizing him. It’s been better since you’ve been together. And, well…he’s just so…um…horny.” She was blushing again; it was lovely. “It feels scary to think of dealing with that all by myself.”

Yes,” I smiled. “Mugen can be a very horny puppy indeed. Which is why I need your help as well, you see?” She looked thoughtful as she took that in, then smiled and nodded. She snuggled down with her head on my thigh, and I pet her until Mugen came back with lunch.


We finally hit a town that evening, secured lodgings and got to our room. Facing each other in the quiet of that space was uncomfortable. Fuu bustled around and then headed for the door.

Well, I’m off to take a bath. Um…a long one,” she added eyeing both of us. Then she scooted out. Smart girl. There was a long pause as Mugen and I regarded each other from opposite sides of the room.

Fuu knows about us,” I began.

Yeah, I kinda figured,” he replied.

You intend to pursue her?”

Yeah, I think so. You OK with that?”

I believe it‘s necessary to be generous. Yes, I’m OK with it. You will move very slowly, correct?” It wasn’t really a question.

Yeah. She’s a good girl. I like her that way.” I was satisfied. “You’re covered in blood,” he observed. “Fuu says it was another one from the dojo.”

Yes.” He waited to see if I would say more. I didn’t want to.

She said you told her he was like a brother. A brother, Jin?” He raised his eyebrow.

A lover,” I admitted ruefully. “One I treated…badly.”

Thinking of Yuki was bringing the black clouds around again. I rubbed my temples and sighed. He had been my last lover at the dojo—young, beautiful and very adoring. It was too much to remember just now, especially since Mugen and I had been in this room alone together for many minutes and he had yet to come near me, pacing like a panther in a cage along the opposite wall. He had walked away from me three times in the past week, and the idea of approaching him again actually seemed frightening.

And you killed him. How are you doing with that?” he asked finally.

Shitty, all right?” I replied wearily. “I feel completely and utterly shitty right now.” I paused and looked into his eyes. “Kiss me,” I demanded. I couldn’t stand it any more. He was either going to call me names and stalk off again or not. I was hoping for not. He came over to where I sat leaning against the wall and kissed me. Thank god. It was a very long, excellent Mugen kiss, and it felt healing. It was like food for me at that point, I needed it so much, so I hung onto him for dear life. When I finally let him go I felt much better.

Look,” he said, “what you asked me before. We’ll talk about it, OK? But right now….” He started divesting me of my clothes. He opened my kimono and said, “What the fuck?” He practically ripped my hakama off. “Holy shit, Jin, what the fuck happened to you? This ain’t from no sword fight.”

I looked at myself and I suppose it did look somewhat dramatic: bruises, a bunch of cuts and a few lurid-looking patches of road burn. “It’s from when I jumped off the cliff into the waterfall.”

Say what?!?” he yelled. “You did not just say you jumped off a fucking cliff.”

All right. I didn’t jump off a fucking cliff.” I was getting punchy, and I wanted him to do something to stop the looming blackness that was creeping in again. Remembering that time was not a good thing for me to do.

You trying to kill yourself or something?” he asked softly.

At the moment I’m telling myself it was purely a dramatic exit.” I didn’t want to talk anymore. “Mugen, just suck me. I’m going to go insane if I can’t stop thinking about that. Turn my brain off.”

He looked at me sympathetically. “Hey, I’m the only insane one around here, right?”

He took me in his mouth and my brain did indeed turn off. Thank god. It felt so amazing, I couldn’t pay attention to anything but what he was doing. All that mattered was that his mouth was on me again, his hands were on me again and it felt exquisite. I was happily floating in a wash of pleasure when I felt him take me into his throat once more. Oh. My. God. I was lost. I’d never forced it on him since that first time, and he’d never repeated the performance on his own. For him to give me that gift…my body responded, my heart responded…my orgasm exploded and then I felt myself go away. I felt such relief on so many levels, my body just gave out. I have never fallen asleep on a lover in my life, but I did that evening.

I woke up later to find myself on a bed, naked under a blanket, with vague memories of Mugen half-dragging, half-carrying me there. I was too exhausted to even open my eyes, but could hear Mugen and Fuu animatedly discussing their experiences with Okuru. Later, I roused again when I heard my name spoken.

You know, I think he tried to off himself,” he said quietly.

Yeah, I was wondering about that too,” she whispered back. “I’m glad he didn’t manage it.”

Me too,” he replied.

Me too, I thought, and then I was out for the rest of the night.


Jin was kinda feverish in the morning, so I stuck around to wait for him to wake up. Fuu took off to try and find some work, but I didn’t feel like it. I was really horny, so I figured I’d jack off while I waited. He was on his back, his hard-on was tenting the blanket, and the sight made me hot. Normally I would’ve jumped him and got him up with my mouth, but he seemed sick. It was unusual for him to sleep so long. I sat down and hadn’t gotten too far when I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up and saw him beckoning.

Come ride me, Mugen. I’m sorry I fell asleep last night,” he said.

You sure? You got a fever, you know. You feel OK?”

I’ll feel better if you do as I ask.”

OK, I’m there. I strip and pull the blanket off him, trying not to cringe at how trashed his body looked. I scramble and locate what’s left of our olive oil, get him all slippery and then come up to straddle his hips. He hardly ever lets me do this, so I’m really stoked. Normally he wants to be in control of how much of himself he gives me, but this way I get to decide. I slide him all the way in and we both moan. Damn, it’s good. I bend down and lay my head on his shoulder, and feel his arms go around me. His cock is pulsing in my ass, mine’s between us, and we just breathe together for a while. Then he grabs my hips and slowly grinds himself further inside and we begin.

I raise myself up to get better leverage and to be able to see his face. When he’s fucking me I find it hard to look at him. Don’t know why. But like this, with me on top, it doesn’t freak me out at all. He’s looking really fine this morning. His glasses are off, his hair is half out of that fucking string all loose around his head, and he hasn’t shaved for a few days so his beard is coming in. He never not shaves, so that by itself is a sign he’s messed up, but it sure makes him look hot. He looks like such a…man it just blows my fucking mind. He looks really different and I feel jealous. My beard—if you can call it that—well, I don’t need to shave it much. I couldn’t grow what he had in two days in two weeks. That just sucks! I start moving harder in retaliation. It’s almost like fucking someone else. I can’t take my eyes off his face as I move against him.

He looks back at me and his hand begins to stroke my cock. He hasn’t said anything, but the energy shifts and I’m aware of the challenge. We’ve battled this way many times—who’s gonna make the other cum first? We’re pretty evenly matched here like everywhere else, though, so I never know if I’m gonna win or not. This morning I’ve got a head start, but he’s got almost inhuman staying power. I can only hope he’s sick enough to let his guard down.

We struggle together for a while and I start to feel like I’m gonna cum soon. Damn! I start grinding into him, and get hold of a nip with my teeth. He groans and thrashes but doesn’t stop pumping my cock. Just when I think I’m gonna lose it his back arches and I can feel him cumming inside me. Far fucking out! Watching his face sets me off and I cum too. It’s good, good, good. I collapse on top of him and bliss out.

Thanks, I needed that,” I say finally.

Mmmm,” he replies. I open my eyes and see him lazily sucking my cum off his fingers. The sight makes me melt even more. God I’ve got the hots for this guy! I decide it doesn’t matter how much it freaks me out to deal with the whole fucking him thing, I’m gonna try to figure something out. I want him to be happy. I want him to keep wanting me. I want us to stick together.


So me and Fuu. What do you do with a girl you don’t think you should fuck? Hell if I know! I hung with girls when I was a kid. There were some who were really a blast, and could fight and swear and keep up with the rest of us. Fuu reminds me of those kinds of girls, so that’s good. I don’t really remember when I started looking at them only as somewhere to put my dick, but it’s been a long time since I did anything with a girl except fuck, so this situation is pretty weird for me.

We spent the time waiting for Jin to get better just hanging and talking when we weren’t working. That hasn’t been too bad, really. It’s nice to hold her close. It shuts her up too! If I put my arm around her she’ll snuggle into my chest and not say a word, so I can’t complain about that. I even tried kissing her last night. It was sweet. She’s a pretty good kisser too—much better than Jin was when I first got hold of him. She’s not coming on to me either, so that’s a relief. Don’t know if I could be good myself if she wasn’t being good first.

Jin thinks what Fuu wants from me is all that romantic shit—snuggling and kissing and stuff. She’s not ready to be anyone’s lover. I think he’s right. Plus I ain’t ready to be nobody’s daddy. Fuu would prolly be a great ma but I ain’t going there with her. So that means no fucking. That’s OK by me. I got Jin for that. And now that everything’s out in the open, we can all be close in front of each other and it feels comfy. I’ve been sleeping with him at night and I really like it. I spoon up to his back and burrow my face in his neck so I can smell his hair. Makes me feel safe somehow.

Fuu brought home a roll of paper and more ink, so we’ve been hanging in the evenings going crazy, scribbling and drawing and laughing. It’s really good to laugh with people, you know? Jin and Fuu think I should try and sell some of my pictures and maybe I will. What the hell? Me and Fuu filled Jin in on all our adventures with Okuru. He didn’t know Fuu had her own brush with death in the river, so she had to tell that story too. And now that Jin’s back to his ol’ self again, we can take off in the next few days. You know, sometimes I think I musta died when that boat exploded. Things are too good for it to be real life. Least not my real life anyway.


Man, oh man, I’ve got to be the luckiest bastard in the whole fucking world. This morning I’m stretched out on my back and Jin is sitting next to me. We’re more talking than anything else and we’re both still dressed. He’s got his hand down my pants, and I’m barely hard when the door slides open. Oooops, there she is. She takes in the scene and blushes fifty shades of red.

OhmygodI’msorry,” she squeaks, and starts heading out the door.

Fuu, wait!” he commands. My eyes get big but I ain’t gonna say nothing. She turns back to us and he beckons to her. “Come here you,” he says softly. She does! Holy shit! She comes over and kneels on my other side, never looking me in the face once. He takes her hand and brings it back inside my pants where his was just a moment ago. She doesn’t stop him, I can’t fucking believe it! Heat just flashes through my whole body. He guides her hand around me and I can feel her cool fingers next to his. Then they start to move on me and it was blowing my mind so much I started laughing and moaning at the same time. She finally looks at me, kinda questioningly, and then she turns to Jin. He just smiles.

He’s fine. You’re doing very well,” he says to her. “Feeling overwhelmed, are we?” he teases me.

Shut up…you fuck,” I pant. He’s trusting the jacking off part to Fuu now and his own hand is moving lower. Shit! I don’t want him to make me do anything embarrassing in front of her, but if he does certain things to my ass I will and he knows it. His finger slides in but he’s not being mean, it just feels good. I’m relieved. Watching Fuu jack me off is making me totally hot. She looks so sweet and serious about what she’s doing.

Can you go faster?” I ask. She looked at me with this little naughty smile and it was so cool. She does go faster, and Jin’s got another finger in me. I’m starting to need to check out, especially with Fuu there. Jin teases me about how I hide behind my arms, but I just have to when I start feeling out of control. Too much good stuff starts coming in and I have to keep my head from exploding, I think. And man, the stuff coming in is really good. It doesn’t take long before they send me over the edge and I cum all over myself. Fuu’s doing things right—she slows way down and gets real gentle. When I can’t take it anymore I reach down and guide her hand to stop. Our eyes meet and she looks at me hopefully.

Mmmm good.” I squeeze her hand and pull her down to me so we can kiss. Jin gives me a towel and I sit up. “That was fun kids. Let’s do it again real soon,” I say. They laugh. Jin slugs me in the shoulder. It feels good to be together.

Are we ready to hit the road today?” he asks.

If you are, we are,” answers Fuu.

Jin stands. “I’m ready,” he decides. As we get our shit together I see Fuu sneak a sniff of the hand she was holding me with. She closes her eyes and gets this kinda far away look on her face. I like it. I feel happy. I grab her and give her a kiss, then I go kiss him too. Am I the luckiest bastard in the world or what?